And all of the things that I thought were so easy

2009, has been a rollercoaster ride that I didn't exactly paid tickets for. It seems like the accumalation of everything that has been going on in my life. So maybe I paid 1/2 price for the entry tix. I could say that in these18 years of existence, I've been to the lowest point of my life in 2009. The hardest decision, the mind wrecking choice I have to make. First half of the year almost tore me apart. I've made stupid mistakes and had to go through the consequences. I've been irresponsible and didn't enjoy a bit of it at all. I've to be faced with so many questions that nobody could answer for me. I've already taken the next step but I'm stuck on the same spot. It scares me tremendously still, but I'm not going to let myself fall again.

Second half of the year had things looking up. I didn't felt as tied down anymore but I felt like I was thrown out there in the world with nothing and nowhere to go. There wasn't much sense of direction in me and although I felt happier, like I could finally breathe properly. I've had my heart broken and it wasn't fun. The nights were the worst but it got better with each passing day. Us girls also grew much close knitted and dealing with each other's problems together. It's funny how for the past two months we have been meeting literally almost everyday and still have never ending topics to talk/rant about.

I love every single one of you who were there for me in 2009, as a listening ear and encouraging me. I know y'all are the ones I could really depend on and I'm sure you know who you are! Resolution for 2010? To get my life back on track.

I’ve learned a lot this year.. I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.

– Jennifer Weiner

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! This year, the Christmas mood wasn't really there. I don't know, I went to town the entire week, saw the decorations a million times, heard Christmas carols everywhere and still didn't feel it. Maybe next year haha and omggg 2010 is in three days. I feel unprepared for the new year. In fact, I'm feeling stressed. I really really need a new beginning, but I'm lost and I don't know where the starting line is.

( Always looking down and all I see )